Victim has no idea I am here. I *love* this part, lying in wait to emerge at the least convenient time. When I do, victim will be racking her brain to work out if she’d finally succumbed to the cold her boyfriend has been nursing for 2 weeks, or if that baby sneezing into her mouth sealed the deal. Confusing my victim is always a good fun way start to the relationship.
Brilliant! Victim is on a plane and is asleep. She went to sleep well, and now I make my move. When victim wakes up from five fitful hours of upright plane sleeping, she will have a sore throat to rival all others. And, to carry on with the whole ‘confusion’ theme, she’ll attribute it to ‘airplane travel’, rather than to me. Hee hee.
Victim has arrived in destination and finally admits to all and sundry that she is sick, with a cold. She is blaming the baby, but only I know the truth. She picked me up on that last visit to the gym before she left – the one she made herself go to so she would feel good after her flight. Bwah Hahhahhaahack-cough-splutter. Oh dear.
Awesomeness! Victim’s sister is now sick and victim is convinced she brought it with her, even though there really is no possibility of her having infested her sibling. I like to call this ‘Guilt Phase’. As well as her body feeling like crap, now her soul does too. Oh, and she is missing out on her mum’s birthday. AND, she has had to send the brother-in-law out for more tissues – the ones with Aloe and other soothing properties. She’s a real wuss, this one. Victim sleeps a lot during the day.
P.S. Is that a little tickle I feel in my throat?
Wow, this chick is going mad for the OTC cold meds (that’s over-the-counter medication to the uninitiated). At last count she was popping Vitamin C (Yeah, good luck with that), cold tablets (impotent and expensive – more fool her), throat lozenges (5 minutes of relief + the added benefit of a sugar high for 15) and zinc. Wait, zinc??!? Crap, that stuff actually works. I had better distract her with some more snot and completely fruitless coughing.
Victim’s mother is now sick – and has a 36-hour flight ahead of her. Booyah! Bonus points for me. Victim feels even more guilty – so she should – and is using extra tissues due to eye leakage. Not sure what that is about, but her sister is likewise afflicted. Victim’s 19-month-old nephew has developed a cough. It is very cute, and victim keeps looking at him with a concerned look on her face.
P.S. Throat sore.
Today, victim went outside. Silly girl. Didn’t she know I would save the best symptom until now? Wooziness!! Ah-hah! That’s what you get for dressing up and putting on lipgloss and going out into the world. Don’t you know that you are mine?!!!!
P.S. Nose runny.
Some of my best work yet: victim woke up sounding like Demi Moore after a three-day bender. She *says” she is starting to feel a lot better. BUT, her mother’s Facebook posts about being really sick and her sniffling nephew are putting her back in her place. Her body feels better, but her soul is being destroyed with guilt. I am a genius!!
P.S. Nose still runny – and snot a weird colour.
Victim went for a vigorous walk today – and did not sleep at all during daylight hours. She is definitely on the mend. Damn you, zinc!! Good news is that her mother is now in the middle of this horror, her sister still feels like crap, and to add a cherry to the top of my crap-sundae, her nephew will not sleep at all tonight – and neither will the three grown-ups, who will get up throughout the night to soothe him. Note: Victim’s brother-in-law seems to have avoided getting sick at all. Bugger.
P.S. Cough and sneezing and not sleeping well.
It has been a good run. My victim is about 95% well – just some residuals to deal with. Pat on the back to me for taking down her mother and nephew. Not sure who to blame for sister, but kudos for excellent timing. Brother-in-law still well (can’t win them all).
P.S. Going to bed. Am sick.