Humbled. Exhausted. Replenished. Gratified.

“How was it?”

I can’t tell you how many times I have been asked this question since I returned from Cape Town, South Africa just over two weeks ago. It’s a perfectly valid question, as I was doing something quite unique. In February, I spent two weeks with 12 others from around the world, working with small children in the township of Vrygrond, as part of the 2015 Pearson Global Assist Fellowship. In the mornings, we worked in pairs and threes in one of the many crèches in and around Vrygrond, that are supported by the organisation, True North. In the afternoons, we gathered at True North’s community centre, where we partnered with Pearson South Africa to deliver a 2-week literacy program for 5 and 6 year-olds.

The 2015 Fellows (Courtesy of Romeo Ramirez)

For the first few days after I returned, I was fighting horrid jetlag and trying to catch up on the hundreds of emails that had filled my work inbox in my absence. The question was wasted on me then. “How was it?” ‘It was exhausting,’ I wanted to say. It’s been over two weeks since I landed in back in Melbourne and I feel like I am still catching up on sleep. However, ‘exhausting’ is not a satisfying answer for someone who wants to hear that it was amazing and life-changing. Initially I trotted out the usual clichés, just to hold everyone at bay until I could wrap my head around exactly what it was. At that point, I just didn’t know. I remember saying to my room-mate sometime in the middle of the fellowship, “I know there is a lesson to be learned here, but right now, I just don’t know what it is. I hope it will reveal itself when I’m home.”

And it has. Now that I have stepped back from it and have had time to reflect, I feel I can answer the question with greater depth: Exhausting, humbling, replenishing, amazing… Still, listing adjectives just doesn’t do the experience justice, so I will attempt a better response to the question here.

“How was it?”

Humbling

Most of the people I met had so much to give – their time, their experience, their laughter, their wisdom. I sat down with people from True North and Pearson South Africa who are literally saving the world, one school, one crèche, one child at a time. Their work matters. Their work can mean the difference between a child being protected and educated and fed, and being left out in the world to fend for themself. I worked side-by-side with teachers who are acutely aware that just beyond the lilac-painted fence of the crèche, there are knife fights, drug deals, prostitution and domestic violence – all on a regular basis. These women are educated, intrepid, and respected, because their work is noble and their work is hard.

The crèches in Vrygrond – and the extension of Vrygrond called Overcome, where I worked with fellows, Romeo and Esther – cater for babies through to 6 year-olds. The children are under the care of the teachers for up to 10 hours a day. They eat breakfast there – a tasteless rice gruel – and lunch – a protein-enriched rice. The children nap, play, draw, read stories, sing songs, and learn basics like shapes, colours, letters and numbers. In many ways, these crèches are just like any other childcare centre, except that they do all this with few resources, no sewerage, no electricity, and in a place that can be extremely dangerous.

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Lunch: rice with protein
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The play area for 45 children

Exhausting

The creche where I worked is called Little Lambs and in Overcome, there are no paved roads like in Vrygrond. The crèche has no electricity, a corrugated iron roof and walls to match. On the days when it is hot outside, it is even hotter inside. 45 children are packed into three small classrooms, and the children share the same toileting facility – a handful of non-flushable ‘potties’. The teachers use a port-a-potty, which takes up a large portion of the cemented play area.  Water trickles from two taps – one on the front wall of the crèche and one in the ‘kitchen’ where the children’s meals are prepared. When children are given water to drink, they share the same four or five cups, each taking turns and waiting for their classmates to finish. The cups aren’t washed in between children. The children are told to wash their hands after toileting and playing outside and before they eat – yet for washing, they all use the same bucket of water which is replenished only once a day – and there is no soap.

When I arrived each morning, I would set up an activity at one of the small tables, and the children would rotate to me in groups. Others worked on puzzles or crafts. There was a constant chorus of, “teacher, teacher, teacher,” as each child vied for a moment of my attention. After the table activities, they had a 1/4 of a piece of fruit and played outside on the rectangle of concrete. Then I’d usually read a story and sing songs with them – ones that had actions, so we could work on coordination and memory. ‘Incy-wincy Spider’ became an instant favourite. And there is nothing sweeter than hearing a group of children sing, “Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are…” Then it was usually time for lunch. Before the meal, the children put their hands together, bowed their heads and sang, “Thank you, Father, for our food, many, many blessings, Amen,” to the tune of ‘Frère Jaques’. I suppose that they are blessed – or a least, fortunate – because although they often came to school in the same clothes several days in a row, and they may not have had an evening meal the night before, there are about 1500 children in Vrygrond and Overcome who aren’t in crèches at all.

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Play time for the babies’ class

The classroom I worked in was for three and four year-olds. Admittedly, they were a challenging group in the first few days, but they grew to learn that I didn’t put up with naughtiness and only paid attention to well-behaved children. ‘Time Out’ was my closest ally in the first few days, and I channelled the Super Nanny every time I said, “No. That’s unacceptable.” The naughtiest child in the class on day one – Daniel – was one of the oldest and biggest children in the class. He was loud, aggressive, and a bully. After the third Time Out in about 20 minutes, his teacher removed him from the room and took him in with the babies. He hated that and begged to come back to the class. For some reason and from then on, he worked very hard for my approval, and thrived when he was given important tasks, like handing out rice to the other children.

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Making puppets. Daniel in the centre.

We had two trips to the nearby park over the two weeks. To say that I was nervous about taking 3 dozen children through the dusty streets of the township to the park, was a gross understatement. Firstly, as strangers in the township, we fellows were not allowed to walk around outside the crèche without an escort by someone from the township – or someone from True North. Simply, we were not safe on our own, and we got more than a few sideways glances as we chaperoned the children from one place to another. Then there was the aforementioned violence, drug deals and prostitution. It wasn’t as though those activities rolled to a halt because the local pre-school was on the move. And there was the fact that the children had very little road sense; we spent most of the journey corralling them off the road as though we were herding naughty little sheep. Once at the park, they were fine. They ran and ran and ran – something they couldn’t do within the small confines of the crèche. By the time we got back to the crèche a couple of hours later, they were ready for a nap, and so was I.

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Snack time at the park: Teacher Geraldine hands out 1/4-pieces of fruit
The park
Heading back from the park

Replenishing

As a person who has opted not to have children of my own, I am sometimes asked if it’s because I don’t like children. That’s not why – and the reason why is a whole other blog post, so I won’t go into it here. The thing is, I love being around children. I loved being around these children. My time with them exhausted me physically – and even mentally at times – but it fuelled me emotionally. And what I learned from these little faces, was that it doesn’t matter where you go in this world, kids are kids. When I would sneak into the babies’ room – ’cause they were irresistibly sweet and affectionate – they would smile and reach their chubby little hands up to me. They loved clapping and singing, just like babies and toddlers anywhere, and they giggled with delight when tickled. And they craved cuddles, which I happily obliged them with.

The older children were funny, cheeky, inquisitive, and each saw themselves as the centre of the universe – just like any other group of 3 and 4 year-olds. They love being read to, cuddled, praised, and to sing. They wanted attention, affection, and someone to kiss it better. Over only two weeks, I went from a stern stranger to someone who could make them smile with just a wink or a silly face.

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With the cheeky little cuties – the bigger the smile, the cheekier the child

Gratifying

In the afternoons, we returned to True North’s community centre, where we each worked with two children on a pre-literacy program developed by a team at Pearson South Africa. The aim of the program was two-fold: to determine how much impact the proposed literacy activities could make in just 8 sessions (of 2 hours each), and to introduce a reading resource specifically designed for children who lived in townships. We worked from four newly-developed books, and the illustrations were just incredible. The children instantly engaged with the accurate representations of their world. Vrygrond is a place where most books they read are cast-offs, and are often irrelevant to their lives or inappropriate for their age group. It was incredible to watch their delight as each new page was revealed.

My two were called Trizza and Clever. Trizza was shy at the start of the project, but by the second week was comfortable enough around me to show her bossier side. She was extremely bright and sometime lost patience with Clever, who was slower to master the given tasks and concepts. Clever was a kind and warm child, gregarious and a leader on the playground, but I wondered if his moniker would set unreasonable expectations for him throughout his life. He struggled with some basic literacy tasks, but I admired that he never quit. He was often among the last in the room to complete a task, but he always wanted to finish. By the end of the two weeks, Trizza demonstrated an enhanced ability to recall details and sequences. Clever, who began the fortnight by roughly turning pages, creasing and tearing them, learned to respect books as something precious, and how to turn pages carefully. They were both excited to be given their own take-home copies of each of the four books. “Who are you going to show your book to?” I asked each time they got a new one. “My mummy and my sister,” Trizza would say. “My daddy!” replied Clever. Both of them smiled with pride at having something special to share with their loved ones.

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Trizza and Clever

Enjoyable

It was mostly hard work, but it wasn’t all hard work. After preparing lessons for the following day, we gathered to drink wine and talk about our lives back home. We told funny anecdotes about loved ones, and learned the names of each other’s children, best friends and significant others. We exchanged job descriptions, because although we all worked for Pearson, we had a diverse range of roles. We debriefed about the highs and lows of our days, laughing and crying in equal measure. Half of us got sick: colds, food poisoning, and a mystery illness which seemed to combine the two. We shared gifts and goodies we had brought from home, teased each other relentlessly, gave dozens of supportive hugs, danced to Madonna, and drove each other crazy by hogging the bathroom or using up all the internet.

Over the two weeks, we became a sort of mismatched, semi-dysfunctional, supportive, infuriating, and endearing family.

Over the 17 days I spent in Cape Town I also got to catch up with some dear friends who live there – 2 couples I know through previous travels. I managed several early morning workouts and yoga practices, which were particularly memorable because Cape Town sunrises are so breathtaking. Over one weekend, we all went sightseeing (organised by the fellowship) and wine tasting (organised by us). We were taken out to dinner several times to lovely restaurants, and I must say, South Africans do incredible seafood, and have an extensive (super-affordable) repertoire of delicious wine. And, after the fellowship wrapped up, four of us did an overnight safari at a private game park (this must be saved for its own post). And, most happily, I made some dear friends, including my roomie, Jenni, from Texas and my crèche-mates, Romeo and Esther.

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Roomies
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Romeo from Mexico – my crèche-mate

So, how was it?

It was something I will remember my whole life. I know how fortunate I am to have such an incredible opportunity.

FRIENDS

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When FRIENDS burst onto the scene in the mid-90s I devoured it with an appetite I hadn’t had since TV shows were named after addresses in California. Of course, I wasn’t alone – it was a juggernaut. It was refreshingly funny, it was aspirational, it was Seinfeld for Generation X. I can still watch any episode and laugh out loud; it’s my go to viewing when I am stuck on a long flight and all the movies are rubbish.

And while so many people were saying, “I wish I had friends like that,” I actually did. My uni friends. I loved the show back then, because it depicted the types of friendships I had in my 20s.

We were a theatre crowd. We smoked socially, precociously kissed each other ‘hello’, and we danced until the wee hours, sweaty, grinning, wrung out and happy. We had sing-alongs where someone played a guitar – yes, really. We were poor, so we shared plates of chips, our beds – mostly just to sleep – and our cars. Someone would always let you crash at their place or give you a ride. We drank gallons of tea and instant coffee, and ate Vegemite toast for breakfast, capping off impromptu sleep-overs. We sipped on cheap wine – Chardonnay and Cab Sav – thinking we were so sophisticated. I remember a stint of gin and bitter lemon on hot summer nights.

We fell in and out of love with each other, and crushes changed almost weekly. We were beautiful and talented, self-conscious, eager, brilliant, and naive. We discussed important things with the passion and youthfulness of those who had only just discovered Marx, and Freud and Steinem. We still are beautiful, talented, and brilliant, by the way.

We numbered more than 6, but our large group was fluid and many of the friendships forged then still run deep today. The others are there, vibrant in my thoughts, nostalgic bursts of happiness. We have struck out into the world, spanning all continents bar one (I haven’t heard any news of old friends taking up residence in Antarctica – yet). We have become parents, partners, spouses, actors, teachers, writers, intrepid business owners, corporate wizkids, and culinary geniuses. We even have a real life Ross and Rachel who married in a glorious beachside wedding in the noughties, and now have two gorgeous little boys. And there are other lovely couplings from those days who have made lives and families together.

I freely admit to having the hugest crush on Ross – the one on TV, not his counterpart who married my best friend from uni. Ross was thoughtful and loving, incredibly smart, and sexy as anything; the man rocked a turtle neck. And the very best thing of all, is that in my late 30s, I met a guy like Ross. Only he’s also got the wit of Chandler. So, in other words, I hit the jackpot.

I love my uni friends – from afar when we’re apart, via Facebook (which for all its criticism, is my tether to friends around the world), and when we’re sitting down to coffee, or sharing a decent bottle of wine, or eating a great meal. It feels the same. The laughter is still deep, the love is still strong, and they are so very dear to me.

Fa La La La Laaah La La La La

Early-morning beach walk (Denmark, Western Australia Christmas 2013)
Early-morning beach walk (Denmark, Western Australia Christmas Day 2013)

It’s that time of year – time to deck the halls and all that stuff. It’s my favourite time. It’s Christmas time.

I am not what you would call a religious person – I know this, because I was once very religious and I am now the antithesis of that – but I LOVE Christmas. Love it, love it, love it.

Music

The only reason that I don’t listen to holiday music all year around, is to retain its specialness. I love Christmas music – and I mean everything from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir signing ‘The Little Drummer Boy’ to Mariah Carey singing ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’, to Nat King Cole’s ‘The Christmas Song’. ‘Carol of the Bells’ gives me chills, and my all-time fave is ‘Silent Night’.

The only Christmas song I don’t like is ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’, a.k.a ‘The Date Rape Song’. Listen carefully to the lyrics if you don’t believe me. As an side, I have also just discovered Eartha Kitt’s ‘Nothin’ for Christmas’, which is essentially the Christmas sexual harassment song. So, I guess that’s two Christmas songs I don’t like, but, as I often do, I digress.

Food

My family is a wonderful mix of Australian, American and English, so the Christmas food that hits our plates is also an incredible mix.

American-style Christmas cookies are a must. Once, my sister and I embarked on an all-day baking intensive. We baked hundreds of cookies – 5 different kinds – including the ones that have to be individually iced. By the end of the day we were in a foul mood, but it soon lifted – we just ate Christmas cookies and all was well!

We ALWAYS have Russian Tea Cakes, which are, quite simply, the best food ever. In the history of the universe. And just so you can enjoy them too, here is the recipe:

  • 1 c butter
  • ½ c icing (powdered) sugar
  • 2 ¼ c sifted plain flour
  • ¼ tsp salt
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • ¾ c chopped nuts – pecans/walnuts

Mix, form into balls, bake at 180C / 375F for 8 minutes, dust with icing sugar while still warm. Then roll in icing sugar when they’re cool.

They looks like this:

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Yum

The Pommie influence is in the traditional Christmas dinner, which we often persevered with even in the 40C heat of Perth. Christmas pudding is absolutely essential. I love it. And I can recommend buying it, not making it. The ones you can buy are so damned good, why would you spend all that time and effort to make one? Heston Blumenthal’s are apparently the best you can buy. We’ll be having one of those this Christmas. With custard. Warm, runny custard. Oh my.

My partner’s family traditionally make steamed cranberry pudding, which I have yet to master after two tries. It is tart and bitter, but is served with a super sweet caramel sauce. It’s not my fave, but I will give it another try – for him.

And, because I grew up in Australia, we have a Christmas tradition of breakfasting on prawns, smoked salmon, a summer fruit platter and champagne – lots of bubbles!

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Decorations

Every year, my mom (she’s the American parent), gives my sister and me a new Christmas decoration. The collection is now vast, and each year, I trot out the old and add the new. I’ve taken to collecting them too, and giving them – it’s such a lovely way to mark a Christmas spent with special people. Mom has also extended this tradition to our S.O.s and my nephew. This year I will be delivering all five 2014 decorations to London, but more on that later.

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hristmas fireplace 2013

I love to decorate for Christmas. Sometimes we’ve had a real tree – especially when we lived in the Evergreen state, Washington – and sometimes we’ve travelled for Christmas, so we decorated our hotel room with our Christmas stockings.

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We also wear antlers during Christmas celebrations. My dad started this tradition, and it’s carried on to the next generation:

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Ben opening stocking gifts
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Visiting with baby Oliver Christmas 2012

And, there are the Daves…

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The first Reindeer Dave was made by my grandmother, Joan, along with Celeste, the angel who appears in this picture. My step-mum took up the tradition after grandma died, and made a Dave for all of us. Last year we travelled to spend Christmas with family in Western Australia, where several Daves congregated. Our Dave is on the right.

And here’s our Dave this year:

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We’re travelling again this year, so no tree, but Dave shares a little Christmas tableau with our Aussie Christmas animals, and some of the Christmas bells that were given to Ben by his grandparents every year.

Presents

I love giving presents. I do love getting them too, but I have a lot of fun seeking out the perfect gift for my loved ones – right down to the stocking-stuffers. And oh yes, we’re big on stockings in my family, something I have enjoyed carrying on with Ben. This year, the biggest gift we’re giving is our presence, as we’re flying to London to spend Christmas with my sister, brother-in-law and nephew, who is 3-and-a-half.

I am guessing that once we’re packed, we’ll discover that one whole suitcase is dedicated to presents. It’s hard not to spoil your only nephew, especially when he’s such a great, appreciative kid, and he’s now at that age where Christmas is a big deal to him – and so is his aunty and uncle travelling to see him from Australia. He’s also a Brit born to two Aussie parents, and we are loaded up on Aussie children’s books and toys, so he will be an Aussie kid too.

Family

Yes, the music is festive, the decorations make me giddy, presents are awesome, and I adore eating Christmas food, but the best part of Christmas is family. And, that of course means the family I was born with and those who have become family. We dress up, we get together, swap gifts, eat amazing food, have lots of bubbles, and just generally partake in a mutual admiration society. The thing is, I am really fortunate that my family gatherings – and especially Christmas – are fun. We laugh, we play bocce or sing karaoke, we play party games, we watch concerts on DVD and Christmas moves, like ‘Love Actually’ (my fave). We just have a good time, which is maybe the reason I love it all so much.

Oh, and this year we will get to watch the Downton Abbey Christmas special as it airs live on British television. It’s a long way to travel for a favourite TV show, but it’s one of my Christmas presents to myself.

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope it’s grand. And make the Russian Tea Cakes – you won’t regret it.

~ Sandy

What’s My Excuse?

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There has been some hubbub in the cyber world this past fortnight, because of this woman, Maria Kang. The backlash, both from the online community and from people I know, was passionate, angry and sometimes even vile. How dare she shame other women? ‘Fat shaming’ it was called. I watched this discussion unfold (mostly on Facebook and on Mama Mia.com where you can read two takes on the matter here and here) with interest. Most of the response was from mothers and I am not a mother, so I didn’t really join in on the discussion, because I figured I wasn’t ‘qualified’.

But then I realised that when I look at the photo of Maria Kang, with her taught body and three small children, I feel like she’s also talking to me. I have no children, I have enough time, I have means, so what’s my excuse? Why don’t I look like that? It’s a good question, Maria. Thank you for asking!

Because it is such a good question, I took the time to answer it for myself – honestly. This is what I came up with: “I do the minimal amount of exercise to maintain a healthy weight and a level of fitness that keeps me generally feeling well. I don’t really like protein shakes and all the other stuff I would have to replace the delicious food I do like with. And I really like wine, so my excuse is that I’m fine with how I am.”

And it didn’t make me mad. And I didn’t think she was a shaming cow for posing the question – particularly because I understood that her intention was to, as she explains in her response to the backlash, inspire other women, to let them know that they can benefit from making time for themselves. And on that point, I agree with her 100%. For me, taking time for myself just looks like something else.

Then I came across this discussion asking whether or not wearing makeup is deceptive. Good grief! And if you read the negative comments about how beautiful this woman looks in her makeup, they’re from women!

Ladies, enough!

Let’s go back a decade when I attended a professional development session (as a teacher) with Michael Carr-Gregg, who is a well-respected child and adolescent psychologist. He asked us to imagine that our life was represented by three baskets: our self, our family (including our significant other), and our friends, colleagues, job, and responsibilities. That third basket is a doozy – there is a lot going on in that third basket.

Once we had imagined the baskets, he gave us 30 imaginary eggs to disperse between the baskets. How would we split up the 30 eggs between the three baskets? When we came to the results of the experiment, he told us that many women opted to place the smallest amount of eggs in their own basket, and then split the rest between baskets two and three. Typically, however, men don’t. Generally, men will put the most eggs in their own basket and then split the rest between the other two.

(Just so you know, I initially put 10 in each basket).

Carr-Gregg’s argument was that to be a truly contented and balanced person, one who felt like their needs were being met and who could give to others happily and without resentment or feelings of obligation, we needed to put 15 eggs in our own basket, 10 in the second basket (our spouse/spice and family) and 5 (!) eggs in the third basket.

His reasoning was that if we dedicate enough of our time, energy and love to ourselves, by the time we crack those eggs in the third basket, they’re double-yolkers. I loved this. SO much! I have carried this with me for a decade.

And those times when I feel strung out, wrung out, and as though my obligations – ones I mostly took on willingly – are piling up over my head, when I resent the people I love the most, when I mindlessly hate strangers who I perceive to be more accomplished, more attractive, or just generally more than me – when my default setting is ‘negative’ and I am quite unpleasant to be around, I do an egg audit. And I usually find that I have been putting too many eggs in the wrong basket.

One of these woman exercises to honour herself, the other wears makeup. Let us not call them names. Let us not be insulted, or intimidated, or indignant about their choices. Let us not fight amongst ourselves. Rather, let us be inspired by how many wonderful ways we can pursue our own goals and aspirations. Let us (myself included) turn the question inward, and ask, ‘how many eggs are in my basket?’

7th Heaven

This month Ben and I celebrate the 7th anniversary of our ‘meet cute’. Ours was a cute meeting, and we have retold it in various forms to an array of people over the years. If you know us, we have likely delighted (bored?) you with it at some point.

I am currently penning a (mostly) fictitious version of our meeting in novel form, but for those of you who don’t know us first-hand, we met on a dock in Santorini – yes the Greek island – just as we were about to board a 9-day sailing trip on a yacht throughout the Cyclades Islands. Feeling nauseous yet? Yeah, it is one of those wouldn’t-believe-it-if-it-didn’t-happen-to-me moments. Anyway, we both got off a cranky old bus filled with locals at the Vlychada marina on the southern coast of the island – just me and him – regarded each other for a moment and then introduced ourselves.

We became fast friends – as we did with the other 5 people on the trip – and spent a great deal of time talking while taking in the beauty of Greek island life. A week later, we went on a date – without our 5 new friends. Seven years later, we are living in a new city (Melbourne), where we moved after a 4-year stint in Seattle, with our cat, Lucy.

In honour of our seven years, here are 7 Things I Love About Ben in no particular order (yes, there are more, but I’m sticking with the theme!)

One: He is hilarious

He makes me laugh pretty much every day, and I’m talking about good ol’ belly laughs, and sometimes the kind of laughter where I don’t make any noise and I can’t breathe. His retorts are so quick, and our banter so witty, we’re like a Billy Wilder script. No, we really are that funny together!

Two: He is kind

He catches me when I fall. He looks out for me. He takes out the rubbish, ’cause I hate it. He answers my inane questions about technology over and over again, without making me feel like a dolt.

Three: He is smart

Like crazy smart. He knows about a lot of stuff – including some really obscure stuff – because he never stops learning. And, he is the most technologically-savvy person I have ever met. Plus he makes the best cocktails – Tom Cruise, step aside!

Four: He is adventurous and fun

The things that we have accomplished together, the places that we have gone, the cool things that we’ve done, the amazing people that we know, all of that is because Ben wants to live a life less ordinary.

Five: He takes charge of stuff I don’t want to take charge of

Like collecting and collating our wine collection, sourcing cool stuff to watch and listen to, and maintaining our household tech stuff.

Six: He sees me

I mean the real-deal me – the one who is imperfect, but a good match for him. He sees me and he lets me see him.

Seven: He strives and he encourages

We challenge and encourage each other to be bolder, better, kinder, smarter, more open, happier. We individually and collectively aim high (see #4).

P.S. He is so handsome, he takes my breath away

This one will embarrass him (sorry, Babe), but he is.

Happy 7th Anniversary, Ben! Can’t wait for the next 50!

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I had the craziest dream last night

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It’s a little-known made up statistic that 9/10 people who insist on telling you about the dream they had, start re-telling it with these seven dreaded words, seven words that would make even your mother cringe. Because the truth is, no one wants to hear about your dream, not even your mum. I know that inside your head, it’s a vivid, incredible collection of imagery, heightened feelings, and impossibilities, but you won’t be able to tell it well enough to convey even 1% (*) of what it felt like to dream it. No, really. You might have dreamt you’d been to Shangri-la and back again, and it still won’t make a good story.

That’s why I would like to publicly apologise to my significant other. This morning I regaled him with the particulars of a dream that left me so out of sorts, I woke up in a panicked state at 5:45 and couldn’t get back to sleep.

I mean it was a particularly crazy dream. My X-boyfriend was in it, except he had an afro (he’s white), and so was Kevin Smith – the director and podcaster. We were at some kind of festival up a mountain, where the staff were paid to sweep the snow. I didn’t like that we slept outside, or that I didn’t get to do any ablutions in the morning, or that I couldn’t get home before midnight that night. I also didn’t like not having my mobile phone with me, because I couldn’t tell anyone where I was. A former friend was there too, telling me about all the mistakes she had make at work, and apologising for being a crappy friend. Finally, I teed up a ride home with one of the snow-grooming help on his motorcycle. And then I woke up.

See? Boring, weird and enough to make my mother cringe.

Sweet dreams!

 

* Another made up statistic

NZ ’13

I was a lucky bugger and I won a trip – an all-expenses-paid trip – to New Zealand. 25 words or less on who I would take to NZ and why, and a couple of months later Ben and I were winging our way to Wellington. This is a retrospective of our 7 night, 8 day adventure along the New Zealand Classic Wine Trail. Kia Ora, New Zealand!!

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We arrived in Wellington where it was a little windy and wet and the locals kept apologising for the weather. Settled in at the Wellesley Hotel rather quickly, we then made our way to the Te Papa museum for a private tour. At both places we were expected and were greeted with, “Are you Sandy and Ben?” We decided that we could get used to this treatment, which we received at many of the places on the rest of the trip – others seemed to have forgotten that we were coming (oops). Either way, though, the Kiwis are lovely and gracious people and we were generally treated like the rock stars that we think we are.

Te Papa, by the way, is phenomenal – NZ’s history, culture and natural wonders encapsulated in one impressive structure. I was particularly struck by the Colossal Squid exhibit.

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official photograph (not mine)

The next morning, we drove north-east for about 4 hours to the Hawke’s Bay region.

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The sun was high in the sky as we pulled into Ash Ridge winery for lunch – the first of MANY wineries.

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After lunch it was into Napier, a town on Hawke’s Bay that was destroyed in 1931 by and earthquake and completely rebuilt. It has one of the world’s finest collections of Art Deco buildings and architecture. We were taken on a walking tour of the town by the Art Deco Society.

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Back at their HQ, the Art Deco Society showed us a film about the town – with footage from the ’30s and gifted us with some souvenirs. How lovely!

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The next day we were driven out to Cape Kidnapper’s to see the gannets. Actually, when we arrived at the appointed time, we waited (and waited) and finally decided to call our contact. Her immediate response when we said we had arrived for the gannet tour was, “But the gannets are gone!” Then she realised that we were “Sandy and Ben – the prize winners” and roused her hubby out of bed to drive us out there anyway.

We were on private property most of the way – it’s a working farm and golf course owned by an American billionaire. The views are ridiculous. And there were a few gannets waiting for us at the cape – the late bloomers who had yet to depart for the winter.

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Gannets
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This little guy kept a close eye on us.

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After Cape Kidnapper’s (so-called because when Cook arrived, the Maoris mistook one of his crew, a Tahitian, for one of their own and kidnapped him. Cook and his crew got him back and sailed off around this cape and he named it at that time), we were due to collect bike for a 1/2-day ride, but instead we found Clearview winery.

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We were greeted by a lovely lady who took us on a guided tour of their tasting menu and then deviated from it a few times. She and her partner had found a couple of unlabelled cases the day before – and ’00 cabernet and an ’02 cabernet-merlot – and she gave us a pour. Holy guacamole. She said she would price them while we had lunch – which we thoroughly enjoyed – and we bought a bottle of the ’02. Pricey, but we’ll save that for a special occasion.

We did end up grabbing the bikes for a couple of hours when we got back to Napier. We rode 8kms to the closest wineries – Mission Estate and Church Road – and bought a bottle from Church Road (a Riesling). It is easy to excuse yourself from buying when you’re on bikes. And it is a little harder than you might think to ride back into town after tasting at only two wineries – not that we were too tiddly, but after a few days of no exercise, lots of sitting and lots of wine, the body can protest a 40 minute bike ride (each way).

The next day we drove south, heading towards Greytown where we would have $100 to spend at Schoc chocolates.

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At a place where the 75g bars are $11, this took less time than you might think, but we tasted our way through their menu too – and found some great selections. Dark chocolate rose – yum.

And on the way we saw some cool stuff, including 2 giant kiwis and a Viking (for Ben’s mum, who barracks for the Minnesota Vikings – and for Ben, who is descended from them).

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We even met this little gal, at Loopline, one of the first wineries you will come to heading south on the 2, just before Greytown.

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She rushed out to greet us at this beautiful  place.

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It has a simple tasting room, where you’ll meet the winemaker and his lovely dog, whose name we never caught. Still, we bought a bottle of their Riesling, because it was dry and delicious.

Into Martinborough, which is a lovely town reminiscent of small towns in the south-west of Australia, like Bridgetown, we were shown to a spectacular suite, which had an equally spectacular bathroom.

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We just had a night there, and popped across the road to the local where we had great wine, and great food – and met the locals! Packing the next morning was a little tricky – we had a kilo of chocolate, 5 bottles of wine, we still had Marlborough to go, and we were getting on a ferry that afternoon.

We headed towards Wellington, and miscalculated the arrival time at the (not so) stunning ferry terminal, so got to spend 3 hours there. On the ferry we were treated to the executive lounge, and had a lovely late lunch and wine as we headed to Picton on the South Island. The views were rather gorgeous.

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That night and the next we were at the Marlborough Vintner’s Hotel, where we woke up both mornings to stunning sunrises over the vineyards.

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Our full day in Marlborough we were treated to a private winery tour, with our guide (other) Ben. He took us out to Cloudy Bay.

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And then he took us to Cloudy Bay.

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We got private tours and tastings at 6 wineries, and stopped for lunch at Wither Hills, where – again – we bought the Riesling. Seeing a trend??

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The next day – my birthday – we returned via ferry to Wellington (back to the Wellesley), where we were greeted with champagne and a Devonshire Tea. Did someone mention it was my birthday? We decided to skip Zealandia, which was supposed to be our afternoon activity, but the weather was not great for an outdoor nature experience, and we really just wanted to go shopping. Wellington is a hip city, reminiscent in many ways of Seattle, although (sorry Seattle-ites) the Wellingtonians dress FAR better than the average Seattleite. The 40 and 50-somethings had the coolest style. Diggin’ the Kiwi vibe.

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That night we decided on a cocktail (no more wine, please!!!) at Matterhorn and then dinner at Monsoon Poon. Both places gifted me with a complimentary cocktail (thanks!) and the salmon at Monsoon Poon was crazy good. We even got a massive booth, with some cool signatures lining the walls.

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How’s that for a cross section of celebs? Sachin Tendulkar, Nora Jones, and Gordon Ramsay.

The next morning, we began the long journey home.

Thank you as always to my darling travel companion, Ben, with whom I row merrily.

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Legends On Stage

Today I saw Darth Vader and Jessica Fletcher – on stage together.

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Well, not really, but I did see the matinee of Driving Miss Daisy starring two of the world’s most famous octogenarians. James Earl Jones, 82, and Angela Lansbury, 88, together for 90 splendid minutes.

They were joined by a 3-time Tony winning actor, Boyd Gaines, who held his own against this formidable pair – and a few times, stole the scene from them. Miss Lansbury was – at times – magical, even though she missed a few lines here and there. I was stunned to read afterwards that she is nearly 90! She’s so elegant and it was a lovely performance. I choked bad a quiet sob when she said, “Hoke, you’re my best friend,” and there were tears in my eyes in the final scene when he feeds her her pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving and she gives him the most loving smile.

And, Mr Jones – how incredible his performance was. Such a study in dichotomies – the man who is both humble and proud – the humour and the pathos of this wonderfully portrayed character.

At times the play itself leapt about – almost clunkily – it spans 25 years in 90 minutes, a one-acter, which means there are large chunks of their lives that are missed. I liked the simple staging, which mostly worked to tell the story, but at times the actors seemed rushed into the next scene with nary a moment to transition emotionally. Still, I laughed throughout – Jones’ and Gaines’ comic timing both incredibly sharp, and of course there were the few highly poignant moments.

It was someone else’s bad fortune that this ticket fell into my lap – and I am grateful to the friend who thought to pass it on to me. I hope your mum is better soon, Simonne. And please thank her again for me. I am completely amazed that I got to see two legendary actors on the stage.

 

What’s On My…

This blog post is inspired by Renée who was inspired by another, who was inspired by…it goes back a ways…

BATHROOM COUNTER: Pretty things in seafoam blue. And tissues. My dad taught me that you should never have to be more than 10 feet away from tissues in your home. Of course, the box is seafoam blue.

PERENNIAL TO DO LIST: Don’t drink on weeknights; get a job; go outside at least once a day.

REFRIGERATOR SHELVES: yoghurt, cheese, white wine, olives, eggs.

ITINERARY: New Zealand. I won a cool trip.

FANTASY ITINERARY: Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam and Laos for a month – with Ben.

PLAYLIST: My ‘work’ playlist is the Enigma Pandora station. My ‘play’ playlist at the moment is vintage Bowie.

NIGHTSTAND: The Passage (on my Kindle) and Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert (of Eat, Pray, Love fame. I barely got through the first part which described my greatest nightmare about being kept apart from your love because of immigration laws – but I do want to finish it). My silk eye-mask (get one – they are amazing!)

WORKOUT PLAN: Move every day – even if it is just to the grocery store (which is a km away and I walk and then bring everything home in a trolley – not one of the store’s trolleys – one we bought – and not a nana trolley – a cool one). Otherwise I spin, ride a bike, run or jump on the elliptical in our building’s gym.

Ipad: Draw Something, Reddit Pics, Facebook, FaceTime (with my fam in the UK) and gmail.

TOP 5 LIST: Hanging with my BF (Ben – best friend and boy friend); Lucy (weirdest cat in the world); riding all over Melbourne thanks to bike share; learning new stuff; possibilities!

BUCKET LIST: Retire from all other work because I am a published author – yeah, that’s it – I am doing everything else.

MIND: Making some $$ from the current cool projects I am working on AND our house-warming party next weekend.

WALLS OF YOUR FAVOURITE ROOM IN YOUR APARTMENT: I love our whole new place, but the ‘wall’ I love most is the glass one that overlooks the marina from our balcony – we call that our TV. People watching is super fun!

LIQUOR SHELF: Nothing. We need to stock up – hopefully our house-warming and an international trip will do the trick.

 

TV MOST NIGHTS: Ep after ep of our faves: Mad Men, Dexter, Buffy, Vicar of Dibley, Community. We have eclectic tastes. I just watched 8 eps back-to-back of Up All Night. LOVE it.

Gallipoli 1997

In 1997 (February) I was on Contiki’s European Training Trip. This is what I wrote about going to Gallipoli.

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Attaturk’s Memorial, Gallipoli, Turkey. With thanks to Patrice Andersen.

Leaving Greece we were on a pilgrimage – to Gallipoli.  Most of us were antipodean and we were keen to see where our ANZACs had landed, fought and died, and to pay our respects with a brief service at one of the cemeteries.

Our coach was met by guide, an older Australian gentleman who led us through the displays at the visitor’s centre.  I was antsy and wanted to get out in the fresh air to see the trenches and touch the grave markers.  We loaded up and drove some way up a dirt track, stopping at the section of coast the soldiers should have set down on.  I was struck by the silence.  It was cool in the pale sunlight, the sky a milky blue, so different from the sky that had delivered storms the day before.

The water lapped the beach gently, no waves, no ocean sounds, no wind, just stillness, as though the ocean had been silenced along with those who lost their lives.  I stared down into the clear water, only inches deep, and saw a smooth, snow white rock.  I reached into the cold water and collected it; it fit perfectly in my closed fist.  I remember wondering if it was illegal to take from the beach at Gallipoli.  Probably.  Selfishly I pocketed the rock.

The next stop further along the trail was a monument, one of dozens.  However, this monument would stand alone in my mind from then on.  It testified of the great mutual respect felt between the two warring sides during the battles of Gallipoli, and the eventual alliance that formed between them.  This monument left me speechless.  It was erected by Attaturk, and it is engraved with his words:

Those heroes who shed their blood and lost their lives,

            You are now lying in the soil of a friendly country.

            Therefore, rest in peace.

            There is no difference between the Johnnies and the Mehmets to us where they lay

            Side by side, here in this country of ours.

            To the mothers who sent their sons from far away countries,

            Wipe away your tears.

            Your sons are now lying in our bosom

            And are in peace.

            After having lost their lives on this land they have become our sons as well.

We wound our way up the hill, passing trenches left open for nearly 9 decades, gaping holes the reminders of lost lives.  At the top of the hill we stopped at one of the cemeteries, populated by Aussie diggers – most of whom were barely post-pubescent.  We walked the rows of grave markers, the lawns were trimmed, small shrubs well attended.  The ANZAC monument gleamed in the morning sun.  Our heads were bowed to the markers as we stopped and read selected epitaphs.

It was numbing to imagine the young men, terrified, landing on the beach in darkness, met with bombardment.  I know that many of us were replaying that final scene from the film “Gallipoli” in our minds, realising the futility of the ANZAC and British assault as we stood upon the terrain.

I stopped in front of one grave marker, its message burning on my brain, “To see you just once again, to shake your hand and say ‘well done’”.  I turned, the tears that ran silently became a sob, and buried my face in a friend’s chest.  He put his arms around me and hugged me tightly.

We laid a wreath and listened to “The Last Post” played on a portable tape player. One of us spoke, eloquently, a kind of prayer.  “Lest we forget.”  I touched the rock in my pocket, washed clean of any blood that may have marred its pure surface 90 years before.  Such brave men and boys.  I had never been so proud to be an Australian.